It all started in February of 2013. I knew something was not right. Something felt way off. I was feeling down, and it crossed my mind that maybe I was depressed. But, how does someone become depressed when they have so much going for them? I had a supportive family, great friends, and would be graduating college in 3 months. However, all these blessings seemed to be outweighed by the difficulties in my life. My relationship with my boyfriend started going downhill, and the depression seemed to only get worse. Satan was up to something, and I didn’t like it. Whatever he was doing inside of me was causing my emotions to be off, and unwelcoming and disturbing thoughts to run through my head. I did not approve and neither did God. He was telling me loud and clear that I needed help, but I didn’t want to admit these feelings to anyone, I was embarrassed by them; yet, I deeply wanted to figure out what was going on with me. I know this sounds odd, but thoughts kept coming into my head that I or someone in my family was sick. I thought, you know what, I haven’t been examined by the doctor in a while, I really need to go and have a good check-up; but I pushed those thoughts aside, and instead started seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist for the depression to see if they could give me some answers and provide me with help. All I did during this time was pray to God to keep me, my family and friends safe and in good health. During this time in my life I felt so insecure and scared. I literally took my Bible with me everywhere I went, and talked to God all the time, for he was my only hope. I was so depressed, but I remember continuously observing God’s creations around me in amazement. I would think to myself, how can one person create such amazing mind-blowing things? I had always believed in God, but at this point in my life he was so very clear to me, and making it evident that even though I did not know what was going on with me, he would be right by my side during this storm. At the beginning of March my mom knew how upset I was about my breakup, and decided to take me to dinner and surprise me with Miranda Lambert concert tickets. See, I told y’all I have a great family, again why in the world would I be depressed?! When I opened the card with the tickets in them all I could do was cry. I was usually not a crier, especially in public. It was strange; they were a mix of happy and sad tears. My mom had to ask, “Brea why can’t you stop crying?” I didn’t know the answer. My boyfriend and I didn’t stay broke up for long, in fact by the middle of March we were back together. We realized how much we missed each other and knew we had to work through our differences; however, I just still couldn’t get over all my sadness, and I once again had no idea why. April came along and I knew I had to get all these mixed feelings and emotions in check. I had finals coming up and would be graduating in one month! Exhaustion set in, as well as a lot of anxiety, and I just could not shake either one of them. How was I going to make it through this last month of college? The anxiety was out of control. One instance sticks out in particular. I was with my mom in Keller visiting my brother, sister-in-law, and niece. I came on this weekend get-away, but I knew I had to get a lot of school work done since finals would start the next week. However, I figured I could squeeze in some time with my niece during some of my study breaks. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my nieces and nephew and spending time with them. I would normally be on the floor playing with them, but this trip I didn’t. All I wanted to do was sleep. On Sunday morning I woke up, went in the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I was once again having a lot of anxiety and my heart felt as it was beating out of my chest. I just woke up, how could I have this much anxiety already? I decided to go back and lay down to see if I calmed down any, but as soon as I got to the bed I felt like I was going to pass out. I hollered for my mom, and as soon as she reached the room I passed out…or so I thought. I later found out it was a seizure. My mom hollered for my brother. I was never totally unconscious, my eyes were open but I had a blank stare, and I remember my mom and brother talking to me the whole time. I came to a few minutes later and promised them I was ok! I ate some breakfast, but I was so tired and just wanted to go back to sleep. Passing out was not an unusual occurrence for me, but it usually happened when I was hurt or my blood sugar was low. A couple of hours later I woke up and knew it was time to start studying and writing a paper; however, for the life of me I just couldn’t get organized and focused. I looked at my papers and stared at my computer in confusion. Long story short I made it through all my finals with passing grades and even made the President’s Honor Roll. Something to be very proud of considering what was really going on with me. I graduated May 13, 2013. What a happy day! After the graduation ceremony I remember feeling weak, but I didn’t think much of it since it was such a big day, and rushed around all morning trying to get ready. I just figured I needed to eat. I was also so exhausted. I knew I would need a nap in order to make it through my graduation party later that day. The party turned out wonderful and I went to bed feeling so blessed! But, that all changed when I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst headache I had ever experienced. It pounded uncontrollably. The Lord was so evident during this time. These headaches could have started weeks before and caused me to fall behind in school, But God let me finish this last excruciating semester before the headaches came on full force. Boy, is he great! I woke up that next morning and the headache was magically gone, like I had never even had one. I remember wanting to just lay around the whole next day, with no energy whatsoever. What was wrong with me? Something definitely was not right. The following week I woke up with one of those dreaded headaches every single night, but as usual they would improve when I got up and started moving around. One morning, however, I woke up very nauseous. I would go on walks with my mom at night and remember telling her, “Mom, my head just feels so heavy.” I started googling my symptoms: Anxiety, headaches, weakness, nauseous, confusion, depression, and passing out. And my search came down to the unthinkable…a brain tumor. That night I told my mom that I thought I had a brain tumor. She said, “Brea don’t say that, do you really think that?!” I had a doctor appointment scheduled for the first part of June, but my mom called and told the doctor we needed an appointment right away. I was able to see my doctor on Wednesday, May 15, 2013. After a discussion of all my symptoms she decided I needed a CAT scan. She scheduled me to have one a couple days later on Friday, May 17. After I had the CAT scan that morning, the nurse came out and informed me that my doctor wanted to see me back in her office immediately. I knew that could only mean bad news. I was scared to say the least. I knew this was coming, but I did not want to believe it. I went into her office and she sat me and my mom down. What she told us was unimaginable. At that moment I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Even though I thought I could have a brain tumor, it was such a shock to find out that I really did have one! No one can ever be prepared to receive this news. We all started crying. My mom called my dad and he rushed to the doctor’s office to get us. My doctor wanted me to go to a different office so I could have an MRI for a better picture of the tumor. People were already finding out the news, calling and praying with us and coming to show their support. God was on my side, I just knew it. I was terrified, but also had this overwhelming sense of peace. Everything was falling into place. With some special connections, phone calls and God’s Grace, the head of the Neurosurgery Department at UT Southwestern in Dallas saved a bed for me in ICU immediately. My mom, dad, and I went home to pack our bags and drove to the hospital in Dallas. Getting in the car and driving two hours after being diagnosed was the last thing I wanted to do at this time. It allowed time for thoughts and worries to flow through my mind uncontrollably. May 17, 2013, a week after graduating college I started my two week stay in the hospital. I was so confused! I was not supposed to be diagnosed with a brain tumor. This was supposed to be an exciting time; a new chapter in life looking for my dream job that I had worked so hard for. The neurosurgeon that was to perform my surgery was out of the country at the time; however, the nurses and other doctors on call believed they could keep me stable until he returned. The surgeon returned a few days later and scheduled to perform my surgery on Wednesday, May 22. I can vividly remember him coming in and explaining what the surgery would be like. He informed me the tumor was located in a difficult place to reach, which could possibly leave me with long term side effects, so he probably wouldn’t be able to remove all of it. This was not the news I was hoping or expecting to hear. I just started bawling. I wanted this huge nuisance out of my head completely, and wanted to be back to living a normal life. The day of the surgery I had so much support at the hospital. So many people were there to pray and comfort my family during this long 6 hour procedure. The morning of the surgery, I could feel the nervousness and uneasiness of all my family and friends. When it came to doctors, surgeries, and hospitals, I was normally a very nervous person. On this particular day though, I felt a total sense of peace. I was the one trying to keep everyone calm; assuring them I would be just fine. I knew I was in God’s hands. When I awoke from surgery the doctors informed me that they believed they got about 90% of the tumor. What incredible news! The day after my surgery, my Dad and one of the resident doctors broke the news to me that my tumor was malignant. I was devastated! I stayed in the hospital for two weeks after surgery to heal and go through some physical and cognitive therapy. Would I need to start chemotherapy or radiation? Would I lose my hair? Was I going to live? Oh, so many questions! During my stay in the hospital and when we returned home, my family and I came to realize how blessed we are. We had so many people praying for us. The night before my surgery, a group of close family friends called to say that they would all be on their knees praying at 9 p.m. that night and wanted us to spread the word so others could join them. There were so many friends and even people I didn’t personally know adding me to their prayer lists at church. Also, let me mention how thankful I am that God brought my boyfriend, Justin and I back together during this time, for he stayed with me the entire time I was in the hospital, and has provided me with the love and support I’ve needed ever since. The support from our family, friends and the community was amazing. They were so gracious and organized many fundraisers to help with my medical care. The week I returned home I got a call from my doctor. The pathology report was back on my tumor. He informed me that my tumor is a stage two (slow growing) oligoastrocytoma. The life expectancy is good for this type and grade of tumor. Oh lord, but I was still so very scared. My neurosurgeon decided treatment was not needed since the tumor was slow growing, and we would just monitor it with MRIs every 3 months. Everything went smooth until December of 2013, when my MRI showed growth. Surgery was not an option, since the remaining tumor was still too dangerous to remove. Chemo was the route that I was going to have to take. I started chemo in January of 2014. I was so fortunate that is was a pill form that I would take from home. I took it five days each month. I tolerated it fairly well with some nausea and fatigue. The chemo was effective during this year. My tumor remained stable and even shrunk a little during one month of treatment. The doctor explained to me that this was a bonus as they only expected the chemo to keep the tumor from growing, not to shrink it. After one year on chemo, the doctors gave me the option of remaining on chemo for peace of mind or going off of it. I didn’t even have to think about it, I was going off of chemo and I was not going to worry about it growing back. I had given this burden to God and I knew he was going to carry it for me. I remained off of chemo for 18 months, but in June of this year, I had to go back on it because my tumor started growing again. This time my insurance company would not allow me to have the name brand chemo until I had failure on the generic. I immediately had failure on the generic chemo with the tumor continuing to grow and even showing more aggressive cells. I was finally given the name brand chemo and my doctors decided to increase the dosage. Since this change, my tumor has been stable. With the increased dosage of chemo, I have more nausea and fatigue, but I am so thankful that the growth has stopped. There have been no other signs of the more aggressive cells which baffled the doctors. They did not expect this to go away. I attribute this to the many prayers I have each time I go to the doctor and God hearing these prayers. Living with a brain tumor definitely has its challenges. I suffer from headaches, fatigue and am at risk for having seizures. The doctors have explained to me that this is not a sprint relay, but a marathon. When I go to doctor appointments, I always have to be prepared to hear “your tumor is growing again.” Sometimes, my doctor appointments are upsetting, but other times I get to celebrate victories. I am blessed with great doctors and a God that never leaves my side. As a result of this journey, I have definitely become closer to God. Every day I do my best to give all my worries to him. He has my life planned perfectly just for me! I am always asked “how do you handle knowing that you will have a brain tumor the rest of your life?” I pray for a miracle every day, but I have peace of mind knowing God is in control. After my diagnosis, my family and I decided that we were going to live life to the fullest each and every day. We do not want to waste time worrying. My week of chemo is never easy, but I know that I can make it through it with God’s help. The healthcare system can be confusing with so many different options, so I pray for God’s direction in every decision that my family and I make. Now I have a new normal where I rely on my faith in God more than ever before. One thing that has been very clear to me on this journey is how important my faith is, for with my faith comes hope, and with that I keep this scripture close to heart. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 Dear Heart Design's pieces are meant to provide opportunities to share your story or testimony with others. Each story shared in Unveiling Grace receives a piece to allow them to further share their story with others every single day. Have a story to share? www.dearheartdesigns.com
6 Comments
Brenda Stone
11/20/2016 08:17:17 pm
Brea, You are an amazing young women and loved by so many. Your faith and your determination is a great witness to the world. Your family is so special to me and I love how it is growing! Your always in my prayers and I know God is going to Bless You cause you rely on him!!! Your so Beautiful and I feel so Blessed and I am so glad your doing so well!!! Love you and I know God has a plan and he will not forsake you!!! Keep looking up and know he's got You!!!!
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Janett Talley
11/20/2016 10:34:54 pm
Brea, you have always been extra special, and I could not be more proud of you. I know in my heart that God will one day answer my constant prayers that the tumor will be gone and you will have complete healing. Love you, Mawmaw
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11/21/2016 07:39:23 am
Beautiful heart - Beautiful woman - Beautiful friend - Beautiful family. Surrounding you and your family in prayers 24/7 and loving the life you are choosing to live - one with each day to it's fullest
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Leah Powell
11/21/2016 09:16:38 am
Brea, your faith continues to be such an inspiration! You are truly an amazing, special person and God has great plans for your life. We will continue our prayers for you. Love you!
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Tina Wantland
11/21/2016 12:21:00 pm
Beautifully written narrative of your story, and an awesome testimony of your faith in ALMIGHTY GOD, who is indeed CREATOR and author of your faith! Thank you for sharing. It is a blessing to me, and I'm certain to whomever else may read it. It is encouraging to know that regardless, your passion is for The Lord and His life is reflected in your walk with Him. That speaks volumns to me and is an encouraging reminder that He's got this, and whatever else comes our way. 😊
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Linda Steele
11/21/2016 02:28:21 pm
Our granddaughter is named Brea Lynn. She just turned 6! The name caught my attention - so had to read./ My husband is 1 year into a GBM4 tumor removed with follow up. Not been a super easy time, but he is doing well! Love your story and LOVE YOUR NAME!!
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