Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who in the world was looking back at you? Or sat back and pondered on your life so far and thought to yourself “I was put here for something greater.” Who do you need to answer to? August 29, 1997 The day my story began in a Wichita Falls hospital. Just 20 miles from the town I would eventually call home. From the first day of my memory up until I was about 5 years old I would say that I was your average healthy and active kid. I loved to play outside and I really loved to make people laugh. At the age of about 3 ½ I experienced my first big life change. My parents sat my siblings and me down and told us that they would be going through the big D! Yeah, Divorce. Of course, at 3 years old you don’t begin to have a clue what that means. You just feed off of everyone else’s emotion on what is going on in your life. At first, it wasn’t too bad. I thought it was kind of cool to have 2 houses I could go to. It was kind of like having a slumber party everyday of your life. But eventually it started to be very hard for me to ever settle in because I was always going from place to place. Don’t get me wrong, I liked spending time with my parents, but as I got older I started noticing a lot of changes that had never occurred to me before. Like it seemed to me that my parents temper towards each other got worse as time went on. With the constant change going on in my life I felt the only way I could express myself was through anger. My behavioral issues started around the age of 6. It was just like one day everything changed. I would fly off the handle and start hitting and kicking things and I could never turn my brain off. I would be up for days at a time and then crash and sleep for a whole day! My parents didn’t agree on putting me on medication at a young age but it seemed like every day my mom was having to call my dad for him to get me under control. When I was 7 years old I was put on medication for ADHD. And that’s when my weight issues started. By the time I was in Jr. High I learned to control my temper for the most part and was allowed to stop taking my ADHD medication. Even though I had learned to control my temper by then I had an extremely hard time feeling like I fit in because of the way I looked. I wasn’t as athletic as everyone else. Jr high is probably one of the most awkward times of your life growing up, but it is also the time of your life when you start noticing boys. And everyone knows, boys don’t like the “big girls” in junior high. So I was determined that I would find a way for everyone to like who I was because I couldn’t find a reason to like who I was. The cool thing about junior high is you get to start doing things with a youth group at church. And what made it even better was that all of my friends went to the same youth group. So in essence I felt like everyone would think I was cool because I was part of the youth group. Before junior high, I went to church, but I never really got it. I just assumed that church was where kids go to sing songs while all the parents sat around and talked about how cute their kid were. In junior high I felt like I got it. So I prayed “The Prayer” but I never really felt any different. So, by the time I got to high school, going to church was not the cool thing to do anymore. Everyone knows that the cool thing you have to look forward to in high school is going to high school parties, getting drunk, and making a fool of yourself in order to make your friends laugh all while trying to avoid getting caught by the cops. Well guess what…. I was that kid who was determined to do whatever, whenever to be in it. And I did a pretty good job keeping up “the image.” But, while I was trying to keep up “the image” I learned how possible it was to be standing in a room of 50 people and feel completely alone. I learned what it was like to not like what I saw on the outside and how to use my humor to cover up what was on the inside. The thing that I found comfort in when I was in high school was the sports I played. Because I thought the more I excelled the more people would like me. I found my identity in what I was good at, not in what really mattered. When I graduated high school my life went into a downward spiral. I failed my college classes. I was settling for a relationship with whatever guy would accept the “big girl.” And a lot of times I would find myself asking “Why am I here?” It wasn’t until someone very important to me told me “the only person you truly have to answer to is the man upstairs and the person staring back at you in the mirror.” That it made me think that maybe the reason my life was going the way it was…. Is because I was “letting” it. I was trying to look to myself for all the answers and never asked God to help me figure it out! February 25, 2016 The day that my “Life” started. At One Life Community Church in Wichita Falls while the song “Holy Spirit” started playing and I asked God to come into my heart and be my firm foundation for the future. That is the day my life started falling into place. I started attending church every time I could, and I started getting involved in all that One Life has to offer. I have met some amazing people and lifelong friends through my One Life family. A few months after I rededicated my life, I was sitting at lunch with a friend from my missional family and she asked if I had ever been to a program called “Discovery”? We ended up talking quite a bit about it over time, and by the time discovery weekend rolled around that month I was part of class “235!” I went once a month over the course of 3 months, and I can’t even begin to tell you how that program changed my life. I know it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it all just clicked for me one day out of the blue. I knew that I wanted to be someone that God is proud of, but that day I realized that I needed to be a person that I could look in the mirror and be proud of. That day I stepped on the scale and vowed to never see the number that I saw that day. And I promised myself that everyday I would fight for me. Even when I feel like crap and just want to lay in bed I will get up and fight for me. Because God did not put us here to be mediocre. “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). So, when I feel like I can’t do something, I have to stop and ask myself…. “Why not me?” God loved me enough to give up His ONLY son for me. So why can’t I love me? God put us here with gifts for a reason! Use them! Dear Heart Design's pieces are meant to provide opportunities to share your story or testimony with others. Each story shared in Unveiling Grace receives a piece to allow them to further share their story with others every single day. Have a story to share? www.dearheartdesigns.com God is greater.
1 Comment
Jessica Duncan
1/29/2017 05:24:48 pm
What a beautiful testimony! God took your mess and made it a message. Your story is truly inspiring and definitely one that should be shared for all to see. Thank you for being transparent and real. Discovery and God also changed my life!!! You have such a beautiful soul McKenzie! God Bless.
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