It was September 27, I will never forget that day. The mood in our household was completely different as I was listening to the man I vowed my forever with, telling me that he didn't love me anymore and that he was not coming back home. I never knew what it felt like to have an “out of body” experience but I did that day. My whole world was shifted and turned upside down. I sat there with tears streaming down my face while not even one single tear touched his. I knew he didn’t love me and though the past several months I did counseling, read books, and listen to sermon after sermon..it did nothing to save my marriage. A million questions popped into my mind- How am I going to raise our child alone? How will I support us? How could he do this to me? What is wrong with me? It all ran through my head over and over. I begged him not to go as I did not believe in divorce through my faith in Christ, but I was left with no options. It turned out he was there with someone else he had been seeing for months- the ultimate betrayal. What most people do not know about my divorce is three days before this conversation, I sat down in the back of my church during the middle of the day for hours praying and crying. I asked God to show me what He wants in my life. I asked for forgiveness in my marriage and if His will be done, to save it. I remember after literally handing it all over to him in prayer, a calming feeling coming over me. It was like I felt Jesus standing there telling me "My child, I shed my blood for you and I will redeem you out of this too." James 1:6- “But he must ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed in the wind.” Fast forward three more months, I was sitting at lunch with my mom and sister when my mom first told us that my parents, after 25 years, are now getting a divorce. Nothing was making sense. I was listening to “reasons” and I was thinking how fixable their marriage was. Though their marriage was no picture perfect, I never imagined my parents getting a divorce. While still trying to figure out how to feel and process my own marriage failing, I now had to deal with my family falling apart as well. There is no greater fear than feeling as though your entire foundation of "family" is falling apart around you and all you can do is watch and pray. Well, I did...for months and months and unfortunately the divorce was a done deal. Not only did I lose my foundation of my family, but I lost a best friend as distance grew and grew between my mom and I. It was just one more core relationship that I lost in a short amount of time. Fast forward four more months. I received a call that my best friend's dad (basically my second dad) was having complications from his cancer and would be needing surgery. I went to the hospital every single day for 6 days. I watched him get better and then worse. I even took my sweet Mady Sue up to see Mr. Tony. The night before he passed away, Mady went into his room and sang him “Jesus loves me”…I will never forget that moment that he looked over to her and smiled. He took a turn for the worst on a Tuesday evening and at 3:00 am, I received a text from my friend that he passed away. It is still a loss that I cannot process, but everytime we drive by Tony’s grave site, Mady always says “Look mom! Mr. Tony is with Jesus and God! His tummy doesn’t hurt anymore.” Phillippians 1:3-“ I thank my God every time I remember you.” Two months after this, I was pulled into the office at my work and was told that I lost my job. I begged for them to keep me in my position but there was nothing I could do. As a single mom, that is the biggest fear as you do not know how you will provide for your child. I was now single, alone, and not without a job. There was my breaking point- I had literally lost everything. My husband, my family, my best friend's dad, and now my job. If ever there was a lowest of lows, I can tell you that this was it. What was God trying to show me? Why would he let all this happen to me? And all in the same year? It almost seemed cruel. I remember literally sitting down on my kitchen floor and crying harder than I have ever cried before. I threw my hands up and handed over every emotion from the past year over to him and said "God I can't anymore, but you can. Let Thy Will Be Done" and this is how I can tell you about his amazing Grace. You see- when God allowed Zach to leave me, He taught me that I am strong but not just for myself, that I am strong in my faith and he is my strength. I also learned and remembered that God was my first soulmate. He created an everlasting love for me and something no one will ever come between. He was there to catch my tears and heal a broken heart, and He loves me…really loves me. God made a man who is perfectly designed for me and my heart- and I will wait for him. When my parents divorced- He showed me a love that I never felt through my sister- who is now by far my best friend. She was there to make sure I didn't fall and when I did, she was there to remind me how much God loves me and that He is my new husband who will be there to love me, support me, and comfort me. She cried with me, laughed with me, and even made sure to include me in everything so I knew I still had a family with hers. When Tony died, I was able to witness to my best friend and remind her family that though this was hard, God was going to hold Tony with open and loving arms. And I was there to hold my best friend with a Christ love in a hard time. And lastly, when I lost my job, He gave me an even better opportunity for me and Mady. I am not afraid anymore because you see...my God always had my back. He was always there for me and even at my lowest of lows, He held me and took it all off my shoulders when I couldn't bare no more. I am amazed that I can serve the one True God who so selfishly loves me more than I deserve. Jeremiah 29:11-“For I know what I have planned for’, says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.”
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1 Comment
Sammye Waldrip
10/23/2016 08:15:34 pm
I have known Sarah ever since she was a little girl. She has certainly had her share of heartache,but she has gone through a tough time and come out a real warrior. I just praise Him for the fact that you are not bitter and you held on to your faith. Your story will impact many others. So glad you have your sweet sister to be a support to you. Please do not give up on your Mom. She will always be your Mom even though she doesn't always do what you think is best. She loves you. Just think of the love you have for your sweet and precious little girl. I praise Jesus you have come so far and He does have great plans for you. Thank you for sharing and I love the idea behind the jewelry. Blessings to you😘🙏🏻
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